About Me/Rules

 Sex was never really discussed in my life much. We knew it was a bad thing that we shouldn’t watch or participate in. Growing up in a conservative community and school system probably didn’t help.

Confession #1: I didn’t have sex until I was 26 years old. 

My first real relationship and encounter with sex started off as a hook up from Craigslist with a man 29 years my senior. What started as casual encounters turned into a full blown romance but quickly fizzled into a burning inferno once the baby, miscarriage, and drug use (on his part) occurred. 

This also was the introduction of my love for bdsm but that’s a story for another day! 😉 

Confession #2: I really hope someone doesn’t find this but I also intend to speak my truth. Truth is my son was a result of a non consensual encounter. 

Was I in a relationship with his father? Yes

Were we sexually active with each other? Yes

After some soul searching and therapy, I realized that the encounter between me and my partner at the time was not consensual. It was a time amongst many when I did not feel safe, I did not want to participate, and I did not speak up. I froze. I “let” it happen. I never said “no”. BUT if you are not feeling safe, you disassociate, you feel pain during sex, you don’t remember it or it is a memory that isn’t anything but beautiful then it is NON CONSENSUAL. I didn’t know this before. I didn’t know this until far later. But once I felt that little being inside me growing and I saw the pregnancy results from the hospital, I made the best choice for myself. I kept my son. I chose the long nights and the lack of sleep and the no maternity leave. I chose the new budget and the extra hours at work. I chose the tears and the laughter; the good moments and the bad. That was my choice but all the rest? Let’s say life can have a way of doing things you never imagined. 

Confession #3: I decided that sex is okay. It’s healthy and with the right person, intentions, and actions it’s quite fun! And that’s where I’m at…

I’m in my sex girl era!

I wanna be your wildest fantasy 

I want to be feminine 

I want to be submissive 

I want to be sexy 

I want to be all the things I’ve never got to be 

And…I want to taste the world

But here’s the rules:

I start with dates first. I’m not sleeping with anyone who believes that I am free. At least buy me a meal, entertain me. Not everything needs to be (or feel) transactional.

Once we see each other in public and everyone is vetted (background check and health check) then we discuss relationship expectations and safe sex. 

For me I like to create a safe word system especially for my triggers and let my partner know it’s nothing personal I just have triggers. 

We also will discuss what is on the table vs off the table as far as sexual acts. 

I have learned never to go into anything without being prepared and having a level of communication. 

I choose on whether we are going to a hotel or my partners home to hook up. 

My hookups do not interfere with my life and responsibilities such as my job, home, or child. 

If things do not work out, it’s not personal. I learned that there’s a level of risk when it comes to having feelings. I don’t have true feelings for someone unless they show the effort and that they mean what they say. If you’re inconsistent, creepy, too emotional, or not good in bed then there’s no love lost since I never “caught feelings”. 

All my encounters are loving and we share a great time together but my partners are not the only thing in my life. Too many times I’ve wrapped my world around good dick only to find out the person was trash. Not anymore. 

Yes I would love a partnership and a marriage but I don’t believe that the way modern dating is set up equals those results. It is a lot more complicated than people think. Just based on demographics and schedules, a large amount of the dating pool is lost. Therefore if you can find it then take it but don’t treat it like it’s the only thing there.